Never Look Back

31 December 2009 - How Much We've Changed

2009-12-31T23:59:00.007+08:00

New Blog Link

The last moment of the year 2009 is here, and by the time anyone reads this, it would be 2010 already. just so you know, I can look back again, how my life was all along, when shit doesn't happen. this is probably my last post for this blog, just like to start a brand new life, maybe full of excitement, or full of anguish. I dunno.

this post however, would probably serve as a form of history to me, and as a form of chain of happier events that took place, looking at how much we've changed all these years.

I resented myself for formatting my laptop once, and I've lost some of the stuffs that I want to post.

From the end of 2006 till now, how is life different than when it was now...

Secondary school times

and then everyone dispersed.

Year 07

Pasir Ris Park Party

Ready to rock?

O_O !

This is Shiying in year 07. still so small !

boom ! flour ftw

F-U-N

and Beng Rui was only 5 years old back then. I won't forget how he wanted to use the cake and smash it on people ! LOL

Alvin's 17 Bday at CWP Swensens

_|_

Triple it dude.

SP Bros. Nerd hairstyles we had.

Woodlands CC open ground roof.

Year 08

Sec Class Gathering

and I hardly see any of them now(those in the pics that is), except Jingxiang, ZhenHong and the Craziest Hui Jie

ZH's 18 at Admiralty area

Birthday Boy

Mummy 1/2

Smack the Mummy Heroine

Mummy

and that pillow is the birthday gift.

Joyce + WR's Bday at BH's house

and they got a year older in a blink of an eye !

Birthday Girls

Matthew's 18 at Suntec

Still the same old SP Bros

December Chalet and BBQ Respectively
It was a gathering where everyone attended, and it seldom happens.

Still a boy who hasn't attended Primary school, and he is super duper active.

and I love bullying him.

nahhhhhh I'm just kidding =)

Year 09

Steamboat at Bugis. Probably the last Full Gathering that we had. My most enjoyable 1

The best organizer, without him, there won't be much gatherings.

=)

and when time passed by, BH and ZH entered the Army, Jason going Uni, and those in Poly are still in Poly...like obviously.

ZH's bday at Aston

but who cares where we are now?! WE STILL CAN HAVE FUN.

They were in the army for 3 months back then at that time, and so that explains their hairstyle.

and so maybe next year I would be like them, like they always say, do I or do I not dread that? I wonder...but I'm a little excited going into the army.

Energetic People

Anthony's Return from US Texas

The Loud, The Crazy, and The Crazy Crazy. My life is too Wild thanks to them.

another little class gathering, the rare guest returned from US Texas at last !

The crazy struggle

and a memorable picture.
time flew very fast at that period of time. and so he went back Texas to study. the next time he comes back, he would probably be laughing at me and my hair.
at that period of time, HJ and Zul = Army boys, Anthea in NIE and the rest of the guys - Poly.

Jason's 19

A small gathering

The tallest among us

and it ended pretty well at the end of the day.

Matthew's 19 at Bugis and Wheelock (NYDC)

The guy at the most right aimed to conquer the World !! NOT

The Birthday Boy

And the people around, "poking" the cap boy's nose. LOL.

And the !@#$ People.

time passed, and KKY finally found freedom, where he don't have to stay put in Singapore for a few months getting caged by his family members. Off he went to China for school attachment, and missed out much of the stuffs here. I wished he is around though, even though he got alot of nonsense sometimes.

Lunch at Jurong Point, Zhou's Kitchen

Guys

Ladies

Perfect Couple in celebration of them going to ROM the next day

2 Clique of friends.

The Official BHWR Day at YCK CC

greatest blessings to the perfect couple

They look like parents already even. hahaha

Their Family

and the kids are already 2 years older since the first time I saw them. time seriously flies.

Uni Boy, Army Boy, Poly Boy

Christmas 09 at SR's House

Uni Boy, ~~Sleepy~~ Army Boy, Poly Boy

wtf =\

its a coke that is meant for calling and not drinking

Ericia if you see this, thats the lanlan expression you expected

Very nicely packed gift

Biggggggg to smallllllll. or the other way round? x)

They made me realise I shouldn't detest the world too much.

and so, when this post is auto-posted, I'll probably be counting down the end of 2009 with the gang, and bring in 2010. A new phase of life would begin from there.

BHWR and Clique - Gotta give the many thanks to you guys, for always bringing us together for a hangout whenever you guys are free. even though sometimes the gathering is a failure this year, I've always looked forward to another 1, and then we can have fun from there on. if not for you two organizing outings often, this year would be damn dull for me. but well, it has been memorable for me, and for both of you, all of us can't wait to see you two getting married, so yeah ! hahaha.

CC and Bros - hope this year has been smoothsailing for all of you. I know CC's 1 is damn smoothsailing, hahaha. seems like Bball and games are what links everyone of us almost everyday.
Hui Jie, the crazy army boy, I don't get to see you very often leh, only weekends sometimes since you in army. You remind me of us playing bball together, going all crazy by sneering and laughing at each other, and I went crazy with you. I bet army there has taught you many naughty stuffs, thats why you became so vulgar. LOL !
ZG used to be quiet, but I think he got influenced by us already. 15 years old liao hor, long pants liao hor mai siaosiao, now know how to guailan people liao. grow up already lol.

Sam Don and WC, Thanks for making my school life better. 2 more months and I'll be a trouble-free person again, a freeman at last.

I can't turn back time and enjoy the fun times again, but I can look forward to see them again.
I can look forward to hearing their laughters still.
I can't turn back time to change the decisions and change the situation of certain matters, but I can learn from them and ensure I try not to repeat them.
I can't turn back time to relook each and everyone's personalities are like, but now I know the ones who are more truthful.

and most of all,
I look forward to see everyone and bring joy to each other from the bottom of our hearts again !
They are the Fire that will never die off till the day I stop breathing.

2010, the year where I will abandon away my Pride someday.

New Blog Link
do go there and read a little next time, this blog ends here after this post

What I would have been without them =)

30 December 2009 - Get AVATAR-ed

2009-12-30T15:45:00.008+08:00

I went to the land of Avatar in my dreams and got myself transformed. they need a picture of oneself (preferably IC / passport photo but I don't have 1) to turn you into a blue monster.

and so I used this picture.

and got myself screwed. I looked pretty retarded I know.

I'll show you how Ichigo undergoes his transformation. like an example.

boom. blue monster, when he undergoes ~~hollow-cum-~~avatar transformation. lol.

Macdonalds and its tricks. cool though.

27 December 2009 - Time is Never Enough to Cover Up

2009-12-27T21:30:00.006+08:00

time to be in hell now, because its the last week of holiday for me to clear up a pile of work, especially FYP that I'm having a great headache.

time meant for celebration always seem so short, as though it is never enough for me and that I hunger for more. when the holiday ends, its time to slog the guts out again...but perhaps I'm not working as hard as a few others who are really getting stressed up, but who isn't going anxious over their FYP?

during this period, I've tried wanting to put words across but it always turn out to be a failure. "where is the guts? do I really want to do it? is it even a right thing to do it?" perhaps I shouldn't be asking myself these anymore, because whatever Kelvin does, even if its right, the World would say its a mistake.

just when and where, would this life of mine end?

Life is a vicious cycle, but despite that, I try not to detest where I live because of them.

19 December 2009 - Working Out Little History

2009-12-19T04:20:00.002+08:00

a big jigsaw puzzle that I have to piece up and complete it even though it may be imperfect.

This time round, I want to look back, be it joyous events or painful moments, I'll see them all once more.

18 December 2009 - NS Checkup

2009-12-18T22:06:00.004+08:00

sometimes its not too good to be all totally healthy too, because if you can see well, hear well, and have no form of illness, all you see in the form would be A, A, and still A for every category of test. so in conclusion pre-enlistees will be thrown to Pes A. I'm not boasting that I got into Pes A, but seriously, you know what I mean...Pes A means, hardcore training?

-_-

I hate the blood test. people only took once, I took twice. reason being, my right hand didn't provide enough blood, and so the guy there said they need 5 more ml, so I was like, ok. then they poke my left hand. they poke my vein and went "eh how come no blood? that 1 obviously is vein right?" and still, no blood.
and so they tried meddling with the needle and I don't know what the hell they hit me with, but I went "AHHHHHHHH" next. and then blood started dripping out bit by bit. alright, I do admit I hate jabs but you know, the suckiest thing about blood test, is that when they fail to draw your blood, they meddle with the needle trying to make you scream.

and after that, they took my height, AND I'M GOD DAMN 164cm ! INSTEAD OF THE USUAL 162 POINT 5cm !! best of all, when they took my height and weight, I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT HAHAHAHAHA !

but seriously, is my height accurate? I wonder...but like duh ! I HOPE IT REALLY DOES ! ok I die die also wanna admit I'm 164cm from now on. LOL.

16 December 2009 - BHWR's Solemnization Day (06/12/09)

2009-12-16T20:05:00.055+08:00

since I can't get all the pics on time, and I can't possibly upload all in the blog, I guess I might as well just put it now. let the pics do most of the talk.

Lunch before going to CC.

at the CC

The Bride and The Groom

In the room

smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

little mafia wannabe !

I learnt that from her

Its not the end yet. Instead its just the beginning for them !
BH AND WR ! BEST WISHES AND BLESSINGS FROM ALL OF US BROS AND SISTERS!

14 December 2009 - Tidying Things Up

2009-12-14T23:35:00.001+08:00

I woke up today and realized I had nothing to do for the day, and so I slacked basically, the whole day when I was at home, and so I did something I seldom do - cleaning up my bedroom.

Before

After

lecture notes all 1 side.

well I don't know if anyone is sharp enough to notice the photos taken before and after the clean up is during the day and night respectively, cos while tidying up, I received a call and had to rush to school straight away. and yes my radio is forever on, even when I'm sleeping. it gets to rest only when I'm out of my house. and I realised I forgot to clear the laptop bag and a blue file on the floor. its gone now though.

andddddddddddd...I found an epic picture or myself, or rather a card which I thought I had lost it since 2 years back.
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Soccer ball. pwned.

school tomorrow. boring.

12 December 2009 - Goodbye MST

2009-12-12T03:53:00.005+08:00

this is the real goodbye for MST, since I won't be having them ever again (unless somebody can try cursing me that I would repeat the semester and that I can't graduate. yeah you try. fool. just joking).

however, CC and I both agreed that even though the tests ended, we don't really feel very relaxed like "HAHA ! ITS FUCKING OVER ! TIME FOR ENJOY THE FREAKING HOLIDAYS", but rather its just like another end of an ordinary day like......."siannnnnnnnnnn".

had dinner with the same old bros today after school, and then slacked around and went home. its the beginning of holidays, but I don't really got the holiday mood simply because I hated December since young even though it used to be holidays for me and all I did was cooping myself up at home playing games. is that the reason why I'm such a boring guy?

but seriously, this time round, its really holiday my ass. I have failed experiments I have to repeat, I have so many shitload of work to complete, I really have a need to catch up with my training.

but lets say, I'm really looking forward to hanging out with the usual lot for sports and movies, and perhaps celebrating my accursed occasion.

look at the time now goddammit, its no wonder I have not grown any taller at all for years.

P.S - Dasao I'm still waiting for the picssssssss

10 December 2009 - MST Week

2009-12-10T18:48:00.005+08:00

is sickening, its all about studying and revising and studying and revising and and and and...PLAYING -_-

I lost to temptation few days back, and I played practically the whole day. whatthefuckisgoingtohappentomyresults.

and I thought I would only screw QAAS since thats the one and only module I REALLY had no time to study for, but I got no excuses for the rest. but still, in the end, still fucked up -.- lol

can't wait for the bloody holidays. then, I can finally get back to training. then rest........then......Christmas? and New Year?

07 December 2009 - The Eventful Weekend

2009-12-07T00:34:00.006+08:00

The weekend was eventful and meaningful in our hearts. Benghui and WanRu is entering a new phase of life once again, and that is, they are getting married soon. I bet with my life that everyone is happy from the bottom of our hearts, to see this perfect couple get along perfectly and that life is smooth sailing.

Everyone who attended the ROM, and had dinner together, made me realised that I really should move forward and not entangle myself too much with the other side of my life.

Now I have 3 sides of life, 2 of which moves me on, while the other one, I just have to endure a while more and everything will be over and done with. All the horrendous stuffs, the juvenile, childish role-play ends there.

Let the hectic MST week run along, and I will take my own sweet time to publish the pics after I got a whole lot of it.

So this is a note to myself, that I can move on, that I will not let anything else that brought me down root me again.

ZhenHong, I will try to enter Uni and join you ! lol.

30 November 2009 - The Christmas Month is Coming

2009-11-30T20:39:00.003+08:00

today's the last day of November, and so...the end of year is coming once again. time flies I must say..in a blink of an eye, I'm already near the end of my study life when secondary school life seemed only like few days back...

whenever Christmas is approaching, nothing good comes to me. even though there are celebrations here and there, decorations on the streets of Singapore, countdown sessions and whatnot, nothing amazes me, because every Christmas, I experienced more pains than happiness.

so tell me, would this year's Christmas be different somehow? I wonder.

Christmas songs are just so, poking my body and making holes.

29 November 2009 - Matthew's 19

2009-11-29T12:15:00.036+08:00

The Tallman's Birthday.

Bugis

Iluma

and the one with the cap acting as though hes playing. LOL.

dinner at wheelock place NYDC

Main Courses + Desserts

and when night falls...

point point point

again and again

and then a piece of tissue came to the hand. wtf.

hj catching star

the wtfs

do not. yes DO NOT, ask why I looked like that, because I dunno too. LOL.

back to homeland

when crazy people hang out with each other, theres no such thing as formality, only plain craziness.

28 November 2009 - Happy Birthday Matthew ! :O

things may not be clear, but just by looking at these bits and pieces, we can piece everything out.

P.S: I totally forgot about this.

vs

Hokage vs NYDC-kage (got dog somemore lol)

23 November 2009 - Growth, And The Irony

2009-11-23T22:27:00.003+08:00

and so today in school during bioengineering process, my lecturer was talking about bacterial growth, and then suddenly to human growth...something like

"giving you double the amount of food doesn't mean you would grow twice as much. there is a limit where your growth stops."

I was so depressed by what he said, because my height stopped growth at the age of 16 T_T
I wished I had eaten more when I was still in secondary school times.

but hey wait, what if I can't grow vertically and instead grow horizontally?! maybe I would feel better if I think it this way =O

I swear I hate Gays alot, and whenever people talk to me bout them I would go bonkers because its just so wrong. Ironically, I love gay songs...like (s)he is one good example. =\

tada ! new album. For your Entertainment and Time for Miracles (bonus track, its 2012 movie song too) rocks big time. haven't heard the rest, unless 987FM recommends more.

21 November 2009 - Picture Speaks 1000 Words

2009-11-21T03:34:00.004+08:00

as I looked almost all the pictures in my folder from the time frame 2007 till now, I realized how much everyone has changed throughout the years. 1 month 10 days here from now, how would the whole picture be like.

tracing back the events that happened since 07, I realized how fast paced life actually is. names got lesser, and came more troubles, and so now it is reduced to almost empty.

of All the posts I've made since this blog started, I'm going to make probably a best post out of it near the end of this year. and that would also near the end of the current phase of my life.

to be continued.

19 November 2009 - Raindrops Brushing Across The Face

2009-11-19T18:53:00.002+08:00

Yesterday - went for MT training, and saw a few matches the school was holding...I would say most of the fights were kinda lame because quite a few fought without putting much into thoughts and simply just exploded in the first round, then got exhausted in the second and third round. I would wanna think that because for some its the first or second time sparring, and that they were nervous and panicking away.

well, I never tried sparring before, so I wouldn't know how I myself would fare, but probably not very good since I'm still brushing up on the basics.

had dual session yesterday and it took all my energy away, and I actually woke up late today and eventually skipped PQM. the weather was fine in the morning, and then in the afternoon, raindrops came showering the grounds with that sweet scent of rain.

while I was on my way home, it was still pouring away, but I couldn't care less and just cycled back. it felt better than I expected, getting drenched and my bag looked as though it just got washed and left hanging somewhere.

and now? I'm sneezing away already. lol.

16 November 2009 - Memories Cannot Fade

2009-11-16T01:51:00.004+08:00

, for I cannot forget them, be it happiness or sorrows. I had long realized all that hate and rage were pointless, but theres nothing I can do to help myself.

As I looked back, even though I told myself countless times not to because it seemed so pointless, my mind and heart started to pace up a little. I could give it a smile and just let it go.

a few more months, everything would be different..no matter what the changes would be, I know I would feel better.

15 November 2009 - Celebrating Jason's 19

2009-11-15T17:50:00.020+08:00

it seems like, out of the many special occasions, birthdays are one of those I enjoy the most, especially when theres celebration.

Dinner area at City Hall

Birthday Boy

LOL @ the right side

The Group Photo

And The Best Photo. (Name from left)
Kelvin + Shirui + Jason + Sheila + ZhenHong + Yuyang = Happy People

Happy 19th Birthday Jason !

Guess I should feel Fortunate and not look at the rubbish bin too much, even though the past may haunt me from time to time...the present is what I should look at. (everywhere as long as its not in classrooms or lecture halls that is)

13 November 2009 - World Kindness Day

2009-11-13T23:25:00.003+08:00

for the majority who do not know, today is kinda an extraordinary day, stated on the title. there is nothing much to explain, because we should appreciate what we have now and not to lose them. though I hate my life much, I still have to live on, because this life I have isn't solely mine.

crucial decision I have to make out of two choices which would affect my life a little, but I do not know which is the correct one. maybe there isn't even a correct one, and that both are wrong. whichever it is, I hesitated for so long, even until now I can't decide what I really want to do, for fear things would just get worse. nobody can give me an answer, nobody can tell me whether whats right and whats wrong for this matter, because its between black and white.

in other words - Grey.

12 November 2009 - PDPE Rush, Grinding The Basics

2009-11-12T01:41:00.004+08:00

PDPE is mad, partly because we dragged it too long, but mainly is because its so tedious !
I NEED A BREATHER MAN ! but I guess WC and WS needs it more than I do, since they are handling more work. but whatever it is, its killing all of us.

I realised, techniques are limitless, and we can learn as many as we want. but in a real spar, it comes back to the same old few and useful techniques, which mainly consists of the basics, very seldom a full 6 or 8 step technique that is taught could be used in a fight. so now, its time to grind and perfect the basic moves.

09 November 2009 - Regaining The Lost

2009-11-09T22:06:00.006+08:00

can a sinner receive yet another chance to start everything over again? I thought to myself for quite some time, whether I would be forgiven for what I had done.

its painful to think, but sometimes I just can't help it. even if I exhaust myself to the maximum, when my eyes are closed, I would be thinking back of the events that happened back then.

regardless of what happens, I told myself, I would abandon this Pride of mine twice, when the time comes.

Ever since I started to train myself, I realised I'm having a humongous appetite...and its as though training becomes pointless because of the amount I consumed.

08 November 2009 - A Simple Gathering With Playmates

2009-11-08T19:04:00.003+08:00

after not seeing several people for a few weeks, I finally got to hang out with them for today. played basketball for awhile and then eat and home. I drank a lot a lot of 100 plus for the day, which means I'm consuming a big portion of carbohydrates -_- wtf

anyway, what I wanna stress upon this post is that, I can put my mind off all fucked up stuffs whenever I'm out of my home busy or slacking away with a bunch of people. yes, ALL is the word. I don't have the time to think about how much work I need to do, what personal matters thats bothering me much, and the list goes on.

is that a good thing I wonder, for work wise that is. it looked as though I don't know how to prioritize my time and that I just hang out with my buddies. but to be honest, sometimes the work school gives is just so dull and pointless, they are just like nonsense.

I can never put in all my effort into doing something I have no interest in, so I would just rather give it up, go out and perspire myself, and let me forget everything else temporarily. at least it would lighten up my mood.

If I abandon that Pride, what would be the end result of that two situation eventually..

05 November 2009 - Foodcourt Serves New Dish - Fresh Shit

2009-11-05T18:48:00.006+08:00

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/what_bugs_me/274588/parents_allow_kid_to_poo.html

Please allow me to use as much vulgar as possible for this post.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS ESPECIALLY PARENTS? YOU CAN'T FUCKING TAKE YOUR KIDS TO THE TOILET TO SHIT AND YOU NEED TO DO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOODCOURT.
people need to eat, and they don't need extra 'aroma' coming from your child's asshole.

seriously, have they got no brains or are they plain retarded? this is like the lamest shittiest thing I've ever heard, I can't believe its a Singaporean's doing, but the fact is there. they should really fucking go have their meals and have the toilet bowls as their table for fuck's sake.

probably a special menu for that day "Fresh shit made on the spot, by locals at only $2"
The strange thing is, nobody confronted them? whatever, they are no brainers, even if anyone went to confront them, they would probably go "huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?"

Young made a comment about the news in facebook, and I laughed about it.
Parents let child take a CRAP in the middle of ION foodcourt. I bet the maid was all like "OH girl! Look what you've dung!"

02 November 2009 - A 'Prayer' Before Bed

2009-11-02T03:02:00.003+08:00

and so before I go to sleep, I would have to hope things go well for WR DaSao.

I hope you can manage to persuade your mom before the December, you'll have all our blessings first ! I'll pray for you that everything would turn out like a fairy tale:

A Perfect Ending

P.S:I forced myself to use your favourite color for once, so appreciate it ! LOL

02 November 2009 - Spiritless, Listless, The D-Crap Man

2009-11-02T00:41:00.005+08:00

I hate sleeping early, because I can't sleep through the night and ended up waking up at 11+ or 12+ night, and probably spend the night alone doing nothing. I hate that feeling seriously.

I just wanna kick the sandbag till both my shins get numbed, throwing jabs and crosses at the pads till my arms start to disobey me throughout the day.

basically, I just wanna knock myself out so that my mind can just switch off.

just how am I going to spend this night, unable to force myself to bed, and then still having to keep myself awake for a total of 14 to 16 hours starting from 8am? (and I've excluded the expected wakeup time + travelling duration) I don't wanna sleep in school, but I can hardly focus like seriously.

My life is like the second line of the tag there.

31 October 2009 - Hallo Helloween

2009-10-31T02:56:00.004+08:00

Halloween falls on a Saturday for the year, which simply means its party time for many people. an enjoyable occasion, but I've never celebrated it before.

Vampires don't exist for as far as I've known. monsters have probably gone extinct. bats are going vegetarian. the dead will not be raised up again. my eyes can't see spirits. skeletons can't move on its own. you don't hear high pitch screams during the night (if there is, then maybe you can see someone getting raped? ~~join in the fun perhaps~~)

but anyway, my point is - Halloween is just people scaring people, probably a form of celebration to gather and have fun wearing customized costumes and hanging out in a party area to party the night away. since I don't go clubbing (or rather haven't been to, since I'm intending to when the time comes), Halloween is just an ordinary day for me.

The weather for the past few days is strange though, but I love that sensation. that chill that gives me the thrill, cold air which makes my blood going all excited...how do I explain it...lets just say...I feel cold, but I'm enjoying it entirely.

my mood is calm and cool, like the weather...probably a good thing. I wouldn't care less about anything else, at least for now that is.

and a moron who wants things his way, acting all juvenile. damn, I've realised I said such things umpteen times. I would have laughed at it sometimes.

28 October 2009 - Too Exhausting to Keep Up

2009-10-28T22:08:00.004+08:00

whenever I go gym and for training together in 1 day, it beats the shit out of me, like my soul's almost dead. its so tiring to the extent I can even doze off while standing and leaning the wall/door of the train. the worse thing is the next day is 8am lesson, can I even wake up on time and go to school.

always faced with facepalm-ed situations, but whats the big deal? just stop kicking such a fuss about it, it makes you so juvenile.

and damn, why can't I just hit more than 12? its as though the limit's kinda there. gonna try more than 12 next week.

27 October 2009 - Forward Thoughts

2009-10-27T17:32:00.004+08:00

on the way back home during the train ride, sitting in a corner and dozing off, I had many thoughts when I was more than half asleep. I don't know how to put it, but it made me wanna abandon my pride for a moment when I thought of certain stuffs. I've actually made little plans for the later months to come. stupid as it seems, but yeah...thats how life works for me.

and yes, I'm moving forward, extremely slowly now, like a snail. its a good thing to know, at least I'm not stepping back. and having a buddy who always laugh can really lighten my mood.

off to take a nap now. Party time tonight.

26 October 2009 - Music Express Feelings

2009-10-26T01:47:00.005+08:00

the reason why I love music is because, I don't have to tell anyone so much how I feel sometimes. just a song, that perfectly suits the mood would do. it would describe everything. Thats the cool thing about listening to radio, like 987FM (oh man I'm actually making small advertisements about them)

so much for expressing myself back then. this song would just fit perfectly.

Just Jack - The Day I Die

25 October 2009 - PCK Teaser to You-know-who

2009-10-25T21:45:00.006+08:00

I can't help but laugh at it.

Try having your own style, and get laughed at, when you got humiliated once, and then try to make a nuisance out of yourself again. in a good point of view, thats called being optimistic. but the majority however, feel it otherwise - seek attention and asking people to laugh at her. I'm the majority though, because I'm Pisces who goes with the flow.

25 October 2009 - Time Only Moves Forward

2009-10-25T03:41:00.004+08:00

few days of resting, all the thoughts were nothing but past tense. the decisions made were with many faults which could not be undone, with that weak-mental willpower, I could do nothing but blamed everyone involved including myself. I would laugh about it when I thought of it again.

there were so many "whys" during that time, but really, is there any point into thinking about why it happened that way? especially when you can't turn back time and make a second decision. I felt stupid enough to look back again and again, questioning myself repeatedly. for 10 months, I did nothing but fret over it, losing all guts, create fear in myself.

"Time only moves forward" afterall. Memories, be it beautiful or ugly, they are past tense. subconsciously, everyone will think about it occasionally, with a time limit set on it, that is till they get distracted by something else. yes, so why not just slog till you're so dead tired and the only thing you can do when you reach home is to just sleep and pray that you do not dream at all, waiting for the next day to come, repeating the cycle.

Being an Ass gets you in trouble. Being Too good gets you Killed as time goes by.

22 October 2009 - Its Just Not Right

2009-10-22T00:29:00.007+08:00

looking at the way things are, my mental willpower is feeling weak towards someone, and that I can't stop thinking about certain matters in my mind. headed to gym with Samuel, and I had a great time pushing myself to the limit, and I guess same goes for him.

after telling a story to him, I felt lighter and more refreshed, thinking what I should plan to do next. I can't afford to make any mistakes, because at this point of time, it is extremely crucial for me, choices with many possibilities, as well as the consequences of each possibility.

I have that fear I've always felt uneasy with. it draws closer now, and I can't tell whether I'm the only one feeling that uneasiness. I mean...I can never think whatever the others are thinking, only to know that I've dragged myself to a state that I would only bring bits of troubles to those closer to me.

Yes, the guilt was there, after I heard the news. it was afterall, the Vanity blood in me plus the personality I have that brings me to where I currently am. and so Sam said something like "The value of losing that amount, and theres the value that you gained."

I've gained only a bit of what I want, and had lost almost the rest of everything, and I realised that the small value I hold is worth me losing the rest of what I used to have, and that I've come to know that this Pride I hold makes me someone who will not bow down to others, except my parents, not even some of my close friends would I bow down and apologize if I find myself not at fault after times of reflections and asking others their opinions into whatever that happened, to confirm my conclusion is right.

This pride I have since young, may bring me to a path of destruction in the future due to the strong stubborness, but at the same time having a good willpower and determination into making the decisions I truly want in the next phase of my path. But all these while, I've no regrets having it, because I hate embarrassment (excluding being embarrassed in a funny way). however, there are still people who accept me for who I am, I do not know the reason, but I'm definitely not alone, and they are the ones who made me realise that.

to break through this uneasiness, for once, I would abandon this Pride for someone other than my parents. and thus, since the dreadful months has passed and is still going on, it is time for me to make an initiation one last time. no matter what the conclusion is, I just want no regrets anymore, even though it may not be right. this shall be a fight against my own willpower.

We can make a difference in each others' lives, experience pains and grow from there.

19 October 2009 - The Accursed Date

2009-10-19T01:46:00.002+08:00

it seems that, I got killed again.

when I realised the truth, its already too late, theres no turning back now.

I swear, this couldn't be more painful than anything else.

19 October 2009 - Last Start

2009-10-19T00:52:00.007+08:00

school's reopening tomorrow, I can't imagine how fast the holidays ended. FYP's a goner, and theres many more stuffs coming. last semester already, but I'm not giving my all, for I've half given up the hope of entering University. disappoint myself, and probably my parents yes. but I'm kinda tired after 2.5 years of struggling with studies as I reflected back everything from the start, including non-school stuffs.

I have no idea whether I'm the only one reminiscing, but someone did search back my past using certain names. but all I could say is, Life's kinda different now. people can detest me, hate me, but if it's nothing that gets in my way, I wouldn't really bother, behaving childishly despite being old enough to work in the society.

I have no idea if I'm able to struggle for the last 4 months, but if I give it my all, how would I fare again? I'm happy enough with the fact that I A-ed all my maths, my strongest subject since I started studying, thanks to the habit of counting money when I was young (does it really help by the way). but definitely, I'm just being lucky as well, because despite the poor results I got before the final exam, I managed to pull myself up a grade higher. now that Maths is over, part of my aim has achieved as well.

looking back at the timetable, its horrible on Mondays. its a nightmare for weeks with practicals. I'm only worried that I would tire myself too much though, to put so many things together at once, and that I'm kinda short of time, to sleep that is.

We'll see again after 3 horrible weeks.

NAPFA Training begins ! and its time to sleep to get ready for first day of school, doing stupid practicals.

PS late note: Happy Birthday Beatrice ! Enjoy your last year of youth. LOL.

15 October 2009 - Fairy Tail

2009-10-15T00:21:00.004+08:00

after waiting for so long, its out at last !

First episode aired on 12 October, which means its on a Monday, and probably be subbed the next day.

Watched the first episode, and the way spells are cast, two words to describe - DAMN COOL. I never regretted watching the manga, but the anime is even better like duh !

some screenshots for you people to take a look yourself.

Pwned.

Life sucks, but Fairy Tail would make it better.

11 October 2009 - Drastic Change

2009-10-11T04:59:00.002+08:00

sometimes, shit happens. in a light mood feeling relaxed and easy, there are certain things which can suddenly cause a drastic change.

I asked myself, why is it so unfair sometimes?

there are few delightful things which I can't throw, and loads of heavy boulders that I can't get rid of. can I have a brainwash? yeah, FML with that thought, unless I get into some accident and get amnesia then yeah, an indirect brainwash. in exchange of not being able to remember that few things to be happy about, I can actually not dwell on much more things.

as I read one of my friend's blog, describing life to be like a game of chess, I thought for awhile, and yes I agreed. because in life, we gain some, we lose some. in order to win in a game of chess, sacrifices can't be avoided, and thus have to be made.

out of the many pawns in the chess, in order for a few to advance, the rest needs to be eliminated in order to achieve the objective. so in other words, it has become a matter of who is to be the one advancing, and who are the ones to be sacrificed.

as each day comes closer, I get more frustrated, even though it's just a mere 4 months+ because I'm much busier than I usually am now, and that I have to plan my time perfectly, just like planning a strategy for chess.

my thoughts need to be clear, or rather I must not be careless somehow.
I know I won't have an answer to my question, but I'm a forever a fool who carries faith and hope.

08 October 2009 - Life a Repetition

2009-10-08T20:38:00.002+08:00

Life has been a repetition for me. training for 2 days, rest 1 day, work 2 days, play 2 days, or maybe just a bit of adjustment abit here and there, but its roughly the same, and time flies really fast.

School timetable is out, apparently it sucks, because haven put in elective yet. my FYP is gone case for real. cannot start yet -_-

not really been enjoying myself, because theres too few hangouts/gatherings for a holiday. everyone's so busy with their own stuffs, ok actually that includes me too, since I only have time during the weekend.

I can foresee whatever that is coming soon, as usual its never good of course so...whatever la huh.

1 October 2009 - Earth Shake

2009-10-01T00:33:00.002+08:00

my house was shaking, and I heard there was a huge earthquake. I thought my head was spinning but apparently I wasn't the only one who felt it.

and now, at this time, I asked my friend who experienced the shake earlier on, and he said no. conclusion was, I felt giddy, and my head is spinning~

28 September 2009 - One Step Further !

2009-09-28T22:19:00.003+08:00

I feel good today. I advanced with my partner within a month, and I feel proud of myself. Maybe I'm not there yet, but its worthwhile trying, and a way to boost myself more.

MT FTW

27 September 2009 - Its Like a Roller Coaster Ride

2009-09-27T13:15:00.004+08:00

ups and downs in my life. things that made me happy, like hanging out for bowling, or slacking away and cycling with the cutest things alive in East Coast as well as playing Mahjong. occasionally having street basketball, turning up for FYP (sigh), stay at home and stone.

having heard my mum nagging about me going to work when I can only work during certain days, I try to work whenever I can to earn $57 for 12 hours in a factory where the air con is cold like wtf. work was not tough though, and the people there are nice, probably because I'm the only teenager and the rest are adults.

training caused both my shins to have blue black. when the sharp bone clashes with each other, it goes 'ouch'. but I like the people there, and having found a buddy to team up with there is great.

all the money that I've earned would be paying for all the expenses. so on and off I've never really earned anything. this holiday is probably doing me some good. I found some resolve to do certain things sometimes. I shouldn't dwell too much on certain things that keeps me down, and just to keep myself as busy as possible.

However, no matter what I do, I feel as though I'm dying off bit by bit.
Time flies for hangouts, slow when I'm working, stops when the voice starts residing in my head.

23 September 2009 - SCREW-driver

2009-09-23T12:58:00.003+08:00

exam results that is. got pulled down. I guess I failed terribly into achieving my own goal for this semester.

whatever.

happy times are always short, to the extent it only last a few days. frustration can last for almost a year. 9 months and counting.

16 September 2009 - Resolve

2009-09-16T15:19:00.001+08:00

I have to remind myself constantly,

THAT I CANNOT BE LAZY !

I shall go today and tomorrow.

13 September 2009 - Enduring The 'Ordeal'

2009-09-13T06:31:00.001+08:00

rotting away for the past 2 weeks, I had much to think of, like whatever had taken place for the past few months.

as I reflected upon those stuffs, 8 months had already passed...and somehow I managed to survive through this 'ordeal' or whatever it is. it was something nobody would understand how it really felt.

I could feel that uneasiness frequently, and it pissed me off from time to time. no matter how I tried to distant myself away, it could never get too far somehow, for I'm trapped in a small area where I could never get away from.

"stupid isn't it? why would I go to such great lengths and make such sacrifices that won't benefit at all?" was what I thought.
it wasn't a sacrifice perhaps, but a last thing that I can do for someone who did much for me.

true, we can't even smile, much less talking about making each other happy. pains were the only thing I gave. and that was the only reason I could figure out all the while, why things turned out that way 8 months ago.

what others may think, I don't wanna care, but what you think, matters a whole lot.
I tried my best to keep as much things as possible to myself, but it seems that I've fail terribly. as the day approaches nearer, it just gets more painful. Pessimism and hesitation is what caught me up. maybe its insignificant and thats why, a message short wouldn't matter at all

I'm more than halfway through now, this excruciating nonsense. I'll be done with it damn soon perhaps.

and one more asshole to go to that extremity, curse you. but I'll thank you for teaching me, what bullshit and endurance is about.

06 September 2009 - The Doglike Room

2009-09-06T01:13:00.010+08:00

I've a real 'cute' buddy, who was rearranging her room and she was fretting bout how to go about placing her tables and all..and then...I had a shock of my life, when I saw something. Have you ever seen a room that's shaped like a Dog? or at least, that was how the artist drew it.

Supposedly, this is the layout of the room. can imagine? its alright, I will aid you.

TOTALLY DALMATION ! LOL !

then she got another friend, who said it looked like an Ambulance (wtf -.-)

well, I imagined it to be like this, if its an ambulance that is...but stillllllll~ I still find it look like a dog. what do you guys think? xD

dumbdumb alicia. LOL.

03 September 2009 - Exams Aftermath

2009-09-03T04:51:00.003+08:00

finally over, after a long struggle of studying like some mad boy, putting so much stress on myself just because of that inner goal I wanted to achieve.

theres still FYP during the holidays, which makes life boring. but whatever. maybe I should just do some stuffs that can probably keep my mind off certain matters..so that I won't go insane throughout this holidays.

Life's a bleak sometimes.

because Your life is better than it used to be, I want to believe that decision and determination made so far is right. its excruciating, but I still have to endure.

01 September 2009 - Last Paper Tomorrow

2009-09-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

is higher maths. took 3 major papers already, only 1 is manageable, while the rest was as good as dead.

I should be happy at the fact that the examination ends tomorrow, but in fact...I'm not. I'm tired of having to see facades. ever since two incidents that literally killed me, I don't want a third time that will rip part of my life off again. I really hate it.

Fuck Exams.

30 August 2009 - If Only I Was More Aggressive

2009-08-30T04:39:00.003+08:00

when I thought of certain things, I started asking myself why was I so lenient towards certain people? come to think of it now, I regret, especially when they try to be so extreme sometimes.

then again, they can do whatever they want. I'll hesitate no more if things snaps.

Exams are unhealthy, they don't let me have good sleeps.

Life is meaningful, when I have freedom, I get to do what I want. It's pointless, if I have to deal with unnecessary things.

A: You know, Obesed people are really screwed up, they Kpkb over the slightest matter.

B: Yeah, I understand, but they Die young, so just let them have their way while they're still alive lah.

A: Why die young?

B: Because, when you form a seal and say "KATSU !" they go BOOM !

A: ....Ha-Ha-Ha -_-"

23 August 2009 - The Young at Hearts, Treasured Bonds

2009-08-23T21:02:00.008+08:00

despite exams are just about 1 day+ away, I'm blogging away here. but I don't care because this post is important to me =)

how many years has it been, since we left the place called school where we bonded ourselves as friends / buddies. I've always loved the get-along with secondary schoolmates, because we all talk about every single thing in and out of the world, from how we picked stupid fights to how we laughed at stupid students who acted gangsters in school as well as gossiping teachers etc etc. especially that Taxi Driver-like teacher. LOL!

we do crazy things, like how I would 'wrestle' with Huijie and vice versa, laugh at each others' silliness, mostly me as usual, cracking all sorts of jokes and whatnot. having a hangout like this made me feel all so nostalgic, that I felt like I was 16 again, someone whos 'dictionary' contained no definition of sorrow. (or rather I couldn't remember it)

when will we classmates get to hang around again? especially Anthony whos going back Texas tomorrow? 2 years later probably, it would seem long, and all of us would be young adults by then, but such things are worth waiting for.

And what will we be like 2 years from now? well, I can roughly guess it...or at least for me, I will be

The Young at Heart(s), but doesn't mean immature.

and now, probably the usual buddies who are always with me, we are already much like siblings. heh.

Anthony: I'm sorry I can't send you off due to my exams, but yeah, please be back 2 years later so we can go gaga once again. I'm looking forward to it once more xD

20 August 2009 - Bro Donald's 19

2009-08-20T02:08:00.004+08:00

a short and post, to wish Donald a Happy Birthday, even though he dont look at blogs.

Happy Birthday DONALD ! I HOPE SAMUEL CAN GIVE YOU A BIG SURPRISE !

hang and play till drop during the hols.

17 August 2009 - When Things Went Back to Square One

2009-08-17T22:56:00.000+08:00

I know I couldn't ask for more, when I got hold of something I wished for. it was more than enough in the first place. I want to be greedy, but at the same time I realised its pure selfishness if it turned out to be that way.

Chapter 19 - When Things Went Back to Square One and The Reason is Never Known.

15 August 2009 - Train Rides

2009-08-15T11:03:00.002+08:00

I've been seeing happening things whenever I'm in packed trains. people charging out when they are alighting (wtf?), and then knock onto others, and then an argument could have started anytime. and surprisingly the people who charges out are always the women. is the GSS still going on? or rather, is there GSS going on outside the platform. its not as though you are unable to alight. just by saying "excuse me", and others would probably make way and let you through. is there really a need to knock onto everyone else and get off so hastily?

During that day for dinner with a few guys together with Ms Sum, we were talking bout the courtesy actions regarding the MRT. those stickers thats pasted everywhere, as well as the blasting music we would hear occasionally at the station. people actually needs to be educated bout mannerism. what are the views of foreigners who visit Singapore and actually see this kind of thing I wonder. true, this kind of education may have a lil impact on Singaporean to learn to be courteous and all, but then again...it may look like a joke to probably the Westerners. probably, its like what Anthony said.

is Singapore has a lack of culture to learn to be more friendly.

12 August 2008 - Adults Nowadays

2009-08-12T20:15:00.003+08:00

are seriously _|_

for Fuck sake, show some respect to others, or at least yourselves.
yesterday in the MRT, the MRT staff argued with an old man? Instead of talking calmly, they both quarreled over god knows what. it happened when I've already entered the MRT so..whatever. the old man did not alight at JE, so I didn't know what happened next.

and today is epic even.
instead of being so childish and selfish doing stupid things, grow some balls and be what your age speaks? or you need people who are younger than you how to properly be a human? I choose to keep it shut because I can't be fucking bothered, and then that asshole tried to piss me off further?

Like I'm fucking scared the likes of you.
Believe in Karma dude. no I mean mother fucker, you will get your deserts one fine day.

time to startup my stuffs, get some rest.

11 August 2009 - ^^

2009-08-11T20:07:00.001+08:00

Today.

A little relieved, and a little happy from the inside.
but maybe things would still be the same.
thats not the main point though.

Safe and Sound, is more than enough.

07 August 2009 - Prayer

2009-08-07T02:26:00.000+08:00

You know what I prayed for.
You know I'm hoping things to turn for the better.
I may not be able to hear Your voice like some others do.
But I want my request to be heard and granted this time round.

04 August - The Wind Blows

2009-08-05T01:46:00.002+08:00

something felt different today, when I was on my way home. feeling lethargic, I walked as slow as I could to get my bicycle.

the breeze felt different today, something which I can't really put it in words. I felt light, my mind was clear for a moment. and my heart was so calm that I actually felt comfortable.

little pieces of the past came to my mind, and from there, I could figure out some stuffs, and something I had told myself before.

a decision was made back then, and that I know I had to just stay firm with my stand.
ignore all trivial, juvenile thoughts. from here as we move, we grow.

Keep the rage aside. Fulfilling that request is probably the last thing I can do.
Vanity remains till my heart stops beating. except for a few, Pride means nothing to me.

02 August 2009 - Finally a Little Time to Slack

2009-08-02T15:58:00.000+08:00

lets just say, assignments are finally over and that I'm able to rest for just 2 days. Exams are round the corner and its soon time to study and all.

I'm having great concern regarding my results for this semester, because I did badly for all the MST. Hmmm.

I really hope, I have no time to think about personal stuffs, especially when having too much thoughts about it makes no difference at all.

They said "Move on"
and I replied "I've got Elephant Glue stuck on my feet"

its impossible.

30 July 2009 - Juvenile

2009-07-30T18:01:00.004+08:00

Try to think the world owes you.
Try to think like its never your fault in every single thing.
Try to mumble like only you got irritated.

Try to grow up. I don't Fucking owe you any shit.

27 July 2009 - Belated Celebration for ZH

2009-07-27T00:33:00.029+08:00

Here comes...the details ! let the pictures do the talking.

Waiting for bus, Bros fooling around (KKY, Me, ZH, Jason)

and another one.

Tong fen + Benghui (HAHA BOTAK =X)

Perfect couple

Perfect..sisters? yeah

I can't remember what was below that was so interesting.

Daiso stuffs. snacks, hand grips, and whatnot.

Dinner at Aston (Sembawang Shopping Centre)
it has a good scenery outside. the food taste normal, but I like that ambiance.

My dinner

Wanru's dinner

Jason's Dinner

ZhenHong's dinner. LOL @ the fried chicken with two biggie eyes

now with a smile. hahaha

Benghui's Dinner

candid

purposely block KKY's face ! LOL

me + tongfen + wanru = ? ok I dunno

Birthday cake after dinner

lol @ the lighter

19 Candles !

Birthday song and wishes

LOL !! If the cake's alive, it would probably scream.

Cutting the cake...

and....tongfen's camera battery died. LOL

26 July 2009 - Outing With Budds

2009-07-26T02:22:00.001+08:00

after not seeing everyone for 3 months, I finally had a chance to meet them up for a simple hangout...and I was glad to see that they are all doing very fine.

saving the details for now..

I-Need-A-Break

23 July 2009 - The Way Things Work

2009-07-23T18:11:00.003+08:00

is simply fucked up. it gets more and more suffocating. there are times where I really can't take it lying down.

I can never get an answer no matter how many whys I've asked myself.

Heartless..

22 July 2009 - Locker's Joke 2

2009-07-22T00:48:00.006+08:00

another locker joke for the day. same people. (Locker joke 1 is found here)

sharing of lockers can really make one laugh. especially when it requires 2 coins to lock it up. 2 guys today, each having a coin, shared a locker.
one of them put the coin in, closed the locker and tried to lock, and turned the key repeatedly, pondering why it couldn't be locked.

truth is...the second coin was not even inserted yet, how can it be locked ?!
and that blur blur facial expression was pwnage. RIGHT SAM?! HAHAHA

20 July 2009 - ZhenHong's Birthday

2009-07-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

spending in his army camp celebrating his birthday probably for the day? heh. wanna wish Happy Birthday to this bro of mine.

Cant wait for Saturday and forget about every little sickening stuffs

19 July 2009 - The Date That Once Filled The Hollowness

2009-07-19T02:25:00.004+08:00

this day is probably a special date, a date that simply filled that hollowness. the joy, happiness and tears that was once shared. everything.

once on this very date, You showed me the bright side of life, and set a flame in the heart that I thought would never die.

Maybe it had died off, or is it only dying off, I have no idea.
I'm hoping the flame would light once again...but is it possible? I've always asked myself.

perhaps..all good things come to an end

and the souls and the mind will never meet each other again.

"youmademyday" werethemagicwordsIreceivedonthisveryspecialdatethatchangedmylifethoroughlyanditisafactIwillnotdeny

15 July 2009 - New York x2

2009-07-15T20:53:00.008+08:00

Dinner at New York at Jurong Point in celebration of Bro's Bday

The Kickass and The Badass

its nice to have a big hangout once in a while, joke, laughing and enjoying ourselves throughout. and I didn't know I could organise this outing that easily. Everyone damn ON, probably made my life easy. great to have such people.

Looking forward to a Saturday now ! DA-SAO ! MAY YOUR PLAN WORKOUT PERFECTLY ! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT

13 July 2009 - Drift

2009-07-13T20:14:00.003+08:00

perhaps its like what we thought.
a pity that we have drifted apart.

13 July 2009 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY CC !

2009-07-13T01:26:00.002+08:00

can't help but gotta agree how time flies, it seemed like my birthday was only few days back which was actually bout 5 months ago. and now, its my bro's bday today.

Happy Birthday CC !
lets rock on Tuesday.

11 July 2009 - Speed and Stamina (2.4km)

2009-07-11T23:12:00.001+08:00

I jogged 2 rounds around Woodlands Circle, and timed myself. I jogged without stopping for a second and the time totaled up to 14 bloody minutes.

can anyone tell me the perimeter of Woodlands Circle? because if 1 round is less than 1.2km, I will be failing GOD DAMN TERRIBLY.

Speed and Stamina - seems like I need to train both.

09 July 2009 - Locker Jokes

2009-07-09T22:34:00.003+08:00

have you ever tried using those 40 cents locker outside when you go to the gym or swimming? well, few days back..there were 2 jokes straight in a row. three of us were there at that time. we used 2 lockers and this was what happened.

Samuel - put stuffs inside, insert 40 cent coins, twisted the lock and took the key out.
HE FORGOT TO CLOSE THE LOCKER AND JUST TOOK THE KEY OUT! LOL !!

Donald + Me - shared 1 locker, and Donald put his stuffs inside first. inserted 20 cent. I put my stuffs in after that and went into the gym. after working out, as we approached the locker..I was waiting for him to open the locker, and vice versa. surprisingly, we didn't lock the bloody locker ! and WTF?! was our next sentence. lol

but I guess sam's 1 is funnier..I mean..thats something I doubt anyone came across before? =\

07 July 2009 - Making Me Feel Better

2009-07-07T23:45:00.005+08:00

just when I thought, how stressful I got, over school stuffs, frustrated and pissed with the fact that I did way below standard for MST.

one who had been through what I'm going through now told me now that she is going through something even tougher and hectic. its simply wake up and go to office and work, and then go home and continue working for her. its non stop.

I don't know if I should sympathize with her or thank her for telling me I'm not in dire straits. but still, nothing can change the fact that I feel extremely vexed. adding on to my own personal matters, it can weigh me down easily.

End of Week 14, faster come, then I will only have to entertain past year papers.

but afterall, I decided to say. Thanks alot alicia =)

07 July 2009 - Test Papers _|_

2009-07-07T01:24:00.004+08:00

I screwed my maths paper, badly. I've got only 73 while the rest got 80s and 90s. dammit. and theres so much so much shit to do still. bahhhhhhh.

Update Tuesday: I practically did badly for every single thing. I feel so useless for making careless mistakes and killed myself. now I'm worse than an average student.

Chapter18ismydeterminationandendurance

05 July 2009 - Revenge of The Fallen

2009-07-05T13:56:00.003+08:00

went to watch transformers with Don and WC at Lot 1 ytd, and I must say its really action packed..but the plot and the storyline is abit messed up somehow.

overall, it was still great though, and like so many people said how hot Megan Fox is and all, ok maybe thats another reason why people shld watch (for guys only I guess)
so alicia ! this movie is still good, not as sucky as you said.

time to get busy with......stupid stuffs

04 July 2009 - Hope, Faith, and Love

2009-07-04T03:24:00.002+08:00

and that Love (for the people around us) is the most important. placing just Faith and Hope, isn't enough. Love plays a part too..and in fact..the greatest part.

and I guess that is why its called
The Greatest Gift

03 July 2009 - MST Over

2009-07-03T20:02:00.003+08:00

and at last, the god damn MST is over (screwed almost all the papers though, in fact..all, mostly due to carelessness)

for the whole week, I haven't really been sleeping well. its 4am, 4am and 4am. monday to friday. it was exhausting, because I really cannot focus well. damn it all.

whatever it is, MST over is a good thing, but assignments and whatnot, all toppling down already. bahh...

IhavealwaystoldmyselfthatIjusthavetoendurenomatterhowtoughthisrouteisbecausethingsshouldntbeanyworsethanthisanymore...

30 June 2009 - 8 Months From Now

2009-06-30T20:39:00.005+08:00

I've done quite a bit of thinking for quite a while. and I guess I need to have to remind myself.
when everything thats supposed to end ends, it will be the day I face everything once more, and probably the last.

29 June 2009 - Ain't Easy

2009-06-29T20:42:00.003+08:00

its never easy to keep things away.
never easy to turn a blind eye.

I admit once more, that it was tormenting.
but I know I have to. I'm exhausted.

forgotten, or hiding the truth. either way brought pains.

28 June 2009 - First Blood or Get First Blooded

2009-06-28T23:41:00.004+08:00

TOMORROW ! 2 PAPERS IN A ROW ! HOW HIGH IS THAT !

I AM SO DOOM-ED

whatever. anyways, spread the Blessings around.

28 June 2009 - Can't Sleep, Then Study?

2009-06-28T02:35:00.002+08:00

the very problem with me is that I have got irregular sleeping habits again. I can only turn in at 4 or 5+am in the morning and then sleep till the afternoon, and stay active till evening and take a nap for an hour or two, and then wake up, and stay up till 4 or 5+ again.

its already Sunday today, and I can't adjust my sleeping habits still. I wonder if I'm able to wake up on time and take my MST on Monday and the subsequent days. I'm really afraid I can't get up and missed it and there goes the 10 to 30% of the modules.

I really can't sleep right now, I feel tired but my eyes are wide open, even if I shut them tight, I stil cannot fall asleep. something is very wrong with me like seriously.

I guess I shall study. I hope I can absorb enough.

26 June 2009 - King of Pop

2009-06-26T18:45:00.007+08:00

No matter what happened in the past
like whether he did molest kids and got called a pedophile
or perhaps changing skin colour
or whatever negative remarks you can think of

The fact that when he leaves this world, many would mourn for him.
for those who are his fans, they wouldn't mind his flaws. all in the news now are all talking about how great a man he is.
everybody has flaws, its only whether we choose to pick them out specially or not. I'm neutral, but I do pity his early death, at just 50 years old. (in our country time, its about 4+ in the morning) for those who wanna find out, go wiki it, its updated.

Nobody is Perfect, but there are people who are Contrary to Perfect, and many who are far from Decent.
You can call yourself a Small Part of the World, but if you term yourself Nobody, you've Sinned for thinking too highly of yourself.

25 June 2009 - A Guess Which May End All

2009-06-25T20:46:00.006+08:00

let this small little guess I made be wrong.
because if I'm right about it...

its all over..

youfailedtoseethelastwordsIhadleftbehindinthatcorner

24 June 2009 - Revenge of The Fallen

2009-06-24T21:12:00.001+08:00

WHOEVER DOESN'T WATCH THIS, IS A NOOB ! TRANSFORMERS !! HERE I COME !! (after MST I guess)

24 June 2009 - Dread

2009-06-24T00:42:00.005+08:00

dreading the day to step outta my house
mind full of thoughts
felt so lost, so screwed
feels as though the life of hanging around with the people I want has ended once again

I need to do everything I dont want to all over again.
the thought of it, makes me feel utterly uncomfortable.
why is my life so screwed?

21 June 2009 - The Truths And The Delusional

2009-06-21T04:54:00.007+08:00

everything between two people was never disclosed. even if others may have heard, or say certain things, it may not be the Truth.
the only True Answer lies within oneself. yet the choice to create Illusions is there. Believing is no longer a simple thing.

it's freaking near 5am now, and my body is still active. the irregular sleeping hours/insomnia haunts me every now and then. and I'm supposed to wake up at 7 in the morning later on.

there's loads of thoughts that I can't put away. and as I looked at my troubled friend who had difficulties, got his problems solved, telling me all the good news, naturally, anyone who listened would feel happy for him, but I'm utterly envious as well. such things don't really happen to me after all. but then again, ultimately I'm probably not the most unfortunate being as well. look forward perhaps..

On the way home with Matthew from school, at Dover MRT station, in which the door opened on the left side. it freaking "kiapped" my bag zip. and so in order to get off from Jurong instead of Joo Koon, I had to pull my bag out, thus my zip had to be sacrificed.
and seriously, I detest people who die die wanna squeeze in the MRT despite being so full. I probably need to buy a vehicle in future, so I don't have to bloody get squeezed like in a can of tuna.

I do not believe in that kind of forgetfulness. if it really exist, its simply a sin. In conclusion, I have no idea what went wrong still.
The Lies are never ending, yet the Willingness to Believe was always there.
Confusion, Discomfort, Excruciation, Fear, Hallucination, Insanity.
its full of Complications.

18 June 2009 - Simply Fear

2009-06-18T19:27:00.005+08:00

I choose to believe what I see, and what I feel. though its two different things.

The decision I made, was because of the fear that I carry. the situation is complicated as it is as of now...and I don't want to do anything, for fear that it would just make things worse.

its driving me nuts, whenever I think of it.
I can't express myself afterall.

an obstacle, that I can't remove. serious shit.

15 June 2009 - We Do Not Know Each Other's Thoughts

2009-06-15T20:56:00.003+08:00

because everything that was written, I dont think it was read.

I have no idea, what you are thinking.
Neither do you perhaps.

thats the thing which really, brought me down.

Do I have the chance to start from scratch again..

15 June 2009 - Working and Slacking

2009-06-15T00:51:00.005+08:00

working with Simon is fun, especially when we can joke around. god damn the IT fair today, it wasn't as packed as the first day but those promoters were shouting their lungs out with the microphone that I almost lost my sense of hearing.

matthew came to visit me and CC, and then left with his friend soon after. after all the packing up, dinner time with CC, at 11+ in the night. do people actually call that a dinner?

and so nonsense came out from our mouths, as usual. love poems for the topic this time. not really a love poem, but more of prank poems, and instead of flattering girls, it can actually make them pissed off or cry. so I thought of one now.

oh hell, you got the rosiest cheeks I've ever seen
its the pimples all over your face
that makes it actually look like a monkey ass
your face looks like my vacuum cleaner
as though it can suck every single thing away

Strictly no offense, but as you can see..these are jokes that we actually think of and laugh among ourselves.

work tomorrow. not enough sleep for sure.

and when they are satisfied with their lives, surely they don't need something to change their lives, and maybe make it for the worse..right?
Helpless, is what I would say..

12 June 2009 - Birthdays

2009-06-12T03:00:00.003+08:00

11 June

Happy Birthday to you once again =)

and WeeChuan turns 19 today as well ! Happy Birthday~

09 June 2009 - Motivation

2009-06-09T17:37:00.003+08:00

I need the thing thats stated in the title. Whenever I do things alone I tend to stop in a short while..only when theres people who are doing things with me I will get to the mood of it and try to give it my all.

but actually, no time to train. amount of workload is sickening.

08 June 2009 - The Ones Who Are True

2009-06-08T19:30:00.007+08:00

the past we had, the setbacks we faced, the problems in the past and the present, and maybe in the future, we share them all.

its a little sudden, but through this ordeal, we know who are really true in our lives. many people that we know, they are either touch and go or, you want them out of your life.

up till now, I've always believed that, there will people who makes impact in my life. and yeah, now I have found 3 more buddies.

perhaps its what they say...lose some, gain some.
I guess I've lost something of extreme value to me, and in turn managed to get something new. my emotions are of both ups and downs.

my anger and hate for these 5 months has appeased as of now. I don't have to keep forcing myself many things anymore. perhaps things are better for you this way. all the past disappointments and everything else, shall dissolve from here on. our eyes..may or may not meet, as long as that barrier exists, it is clear that there is nothing I can do.

and I hope I'm still able to fulfill the last promise I made to myself for you.
because you were once so true, and thats why I really wanted to cherish you so, even though I failed to.

05 June 2009 - Choice

2009-06-05T00:35:00.002+08:00

When I have a choice between two or more things, I will pick the one which can bring across a smile at the end of the day.

Either knock it off, or take it all.

03 June 2009 - What I Really Want

2009-06-03T00:49:00.003+08:00

I know there is a particular something I want, but somehow...I felt that I'm easy with everything else, despite the fact that, I only want the thing I desire.

01 June 2009 - Flawless Stories Never Exist

2009-06-01T03:08:00.005+08:00

many things that we understand, as long as it doesn't affect us, it remains silent until it rushes towards us. as mere humans, living in this cruel world, we learn to lie, we learn to be selfish, we learn to think only for ourselves.

there is no such thing as flawless in a book or story. because for every matter that surfaces, there are bound to be lies, only a matter of how you actually believe, and make a wrong judgment and conclusion.

nothing will change, because we cannot correct history, even though we know more.

it doesn't matter if none of you here understands what I'm saying, just know one thing.
Life's like a Straw. Theres only Devil who teach you how to lie.

31 May 2009 - Towards the Waypoint (Term Break)

2009-05-31T13:43:00.003+08:00

this is so ohmygod. Process control assignment is due this coming week and I haven't finish it. so many things are stressing me out, especially MST. serious shit, some module contain 30% which is so heavy that I think I will probably drop dead if I do badly for it.

but well, I think PC is the one thats really stressing me out. firstly, we have to come back during the holidays for lectures and tutorials (which is actually, a good thing though I feel so lazy). the assignments aint easy...and concepts are... -_-"

1 more week to term break, looking forward to it. parteh time when it comes.
BUT THE AMOUNT OF WORKLOAD IS LIKE A MOUNTAIN !

28 May 2009 - Gym in School

2009-05-28T22:12:00.003+08:00

went to school gym as usual with WC and Donald, but today's different, because I felt a little embarrassed.

there was this equipment which can set according to height. that thing was at the highest point and I had to tiptoe to adjust the thing down. there were a group of dragonboat girls around there doing weight training. WC, being a nice guy as usual, offered to help me and asked "erm, you need my help?" when I just finally managed to adjust it down.

and the next moment...I got laughed by those girls -.-!! because of my height. AHEM. damn. SO PAISEH TOTALLY ! LOL ! but one of the girls were so serious and said "don't laugh".

we were laughing among ourselves too and WC felt guilty despite the many times I told him its ok. lol.

Epic failure for the day though, I didn't work out as hard as usual. bloody hell.

28 May 2009 - Laziness

2009-05-28T00:08:00.003+08:00

there are times where my brains, simply refuses to think.

because my brain is lazy.

cant even smile

27 May 2009 - Words Can't Describe How I Feel

2009-05-27T02:40:00.002+08:00

Fucked up, seriously fucked up. this god damn thing, happens over and over again..

and the rain at this hour makes it even more depressing.

26 May 2009 - Knocked Out

2009-05-26T22:28:00.004+08:00

my ears, burning.
my ears, painful
my body, totally feeble.

I've never felt so Tired before. its enough. I really need a rest. can I?

25 May 2009 - The Insides

2009-05-25T21:02:00.005+08:00

today is a day in which is a little shocking, at least..for me that is.

I can never imagine how one could have cooped up all the awful feelings for long, and not showing them out. I realised it was something extremely tough to do, but nonetheless, today turned out to be a day, I get to know the insides a little more.

there are many things in which, we as friends could never do anything to help besides lending our ears solemnly. we can't solve problems, we can't fix things the way we think may be right, but we listen. at that point on, it was not anything about the lecture anymore, the things we just learnt, came out of its own naturally.

I strongly believe, those who were there listened with heart, not for the sake of doing well, but as a kind of concern. the eyes never tell lies.

25 May 2009 - Need a Breather

2009-05-25T00:35:00.002+08:00

there are times where people feel helpless. my time has come once again. I feel kinda screwed up many times, loathe the workload even though I seem to do lesser work compared to the rest, and I just feel like hanging out with buddies.

I feel..different. probably because what I held on to, is no longer there.

24 May 2009 - When Time Drags

2009-05-24T04:31:00.004+08:00

stayed over at CC's house with zj and zg on Friday to slack, to play, to do my work. that day was long, for we were awake till dawn, and one by one we fell asleep.

I did some work back there, but there's still a pile undone which worries me somehow. when the three week break comes, it will kill me even though its called break. theres shitloads of work during that period, plus a week needed to revise for MST. come to think of it, I don't call it a term break at all. its self-study period.

when I find my life different from others, I find it boring sometimes because its kinda dull, and so many stuffs thats so happening keep hitting me, yet someone actually said I have an exciting life. bleah.

I started work the moment I came back from his house, spiritless..and my eyes were getting freaking heavy. losing to temptations, I slept and when I woke up, I started work again..at my own pace which gets so slow..
1 graph question can take me almost an hour. its so absurd.

I really envy those who are stressed up with personal/school matters and yet able to hide those torments in them, spend their days happily still. if I could be half like them, I guess I would be someone much better.

somehow, its so heartwrenching to hide the truths.
initiative took, and then comes refusal. confessions that were unheard turned barriers which splits the earth. everything, is all in one place.

22 May 2009 - Happy Birthday to Alicia~

2009-05-22T18:41:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!! MAY YOUR HEAD GROW BIGGER !! LOL

21 May 2009 - Heavy Heart To And Fro

2009-05-21T00:47:00.006+08:00

When theres a blind man with a walking stick, tries to reach for an escalator, and that he had difficulty finding his way, probably there would be somebody helping. Thank god there was someone who helped, and eventually when the train came, he was assisted when entering the train, fortunately, there were empty seats.

Train to school was tough. as I sat beside the blind man, thoughts ran through my mind..about his whole journey to his destination and all. some may think I'm crazy but, the fact that even sympathy can make the heart sink sometimes.

Destination was at Clementi, but when he alighted together with a horde of people, the eyes were on that poor guy all along even when the doors were closed. shockingly, nobody held his hand and guided him or at least helped him with directions.

We all know that in life, majority only think about themselves and I know I'm no exception. I have never believed that there would be someone who would put others first and place themselves second. Never. even those that I thought of, proved me wrong. Whenever we talk about good deeds, values to learn, we know them but who the hell really knows how to apply?

Whenever problem arises, instincts would tell you to "Point fingers, Its Not My Fault Dammit". If theres anyone who tell me they have never done this in their life ever before, they can go screw some Plushies.

Its sickening when it comes to pointing fingers, and not doing a self-reflection first before blaming others. Many a times I asked myself, whether the problem lies with me whenever shit happens. but I realised its not all the time, but I was taken the blame all the time, for the sake of whatever actions I did not do as well.

Scenario 1:
A: "Eh? You never tell me?!"
B: "Oh? You didn't ask?"
A: "It's your fault for not telling me lor"

Scenario 2:
A: "Eh? You never tell me?!"
B: "Oh? You didn't ask? My fault meh?"

thats the experience that happens time and again. its sickening, when you are the one that gets blamed, in either scenarios that is. wherever I go, I get distracted when it all striked me time and again.

Hao Ren Rong Yi Bei Qi Fu.
I'm not saying myself, but on behalf of someone else. those who blame others all the time, have they ever blamed themselves for once? yeah, they blame themselves if they hurt themselves. nothing else.

P.S: If not for Your hyperness that brought laughter to me, I think I would have gone crazy for that day. I can't thank you enough, even though you may think, you have done nothing to help, but then again it has a good impact on me.