`Many Taught Me Sins and Rage, Several Taught Me Endurance, A Few Gave Me Light

30 March 2009 - Relationships Not Worth A Keep

when I saw the same thing over and over again, I get a little sick and tired. my buddy always has to argue with his noob girlfriend over small little things. no, its definitely not his fault, but the fault of a picky, childish slut.

The world doesn't revolve around you for fuck sake, so please spare a thought for the rest you fucking slut. and worse still, I can't believe you're a Christian, and a 17 year old who should be mature enough to understand and spare a thought for others. you practically ruined his Birthday for being so bloody stubborn. Grow up you bitchy slut.

I don't think Yaoliang will see this but, we all have to agree one thing.

such fucked up relationships are not worth keeping. but still, the ultimate decision is not with us, but with our buddy himself. I've never seen him so pissed before until that day.

Selfish people..totally unreasonable

Labels: rantings

As Good As DEAD on 12:25 pm

27 March 2009 - Recalling The Promise

we ought to know, life's unfair sometimes.
my life is a mess occasionally.
many a times, I try hard to make myself have a good sleep.
after much thoughts, I recalled a promise I made to myself..to try make things the best as it is.

instead of waiting aimlessly
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I guess I'll wander around. I do not know who I will meet in the midst of this journey, I have no idea where I will end, but probably..I felt better having seen things that I've hoped for.

If this period is the answer I'm given, then yes, its time to step out.

Saturday..brothers, lets have fun =)

Labels: thoughts

As Good As DEAD on 9:58 am

23 March 2009 - No Mood For Papers

I'm sick of looking at papers seriously..the fact that I hate theory is just like how I hate durians. speaking of durians, some idiots actually put dunno what into the fridge, and theres the durian smell which stinks like whatthefuck

Flunk the paper tomorrow. no, I'm not joking. I'm serious.

I want Saturday to come fast. I'm dying to meet buddies.

Labels: rantings, school

As Good As DEAD on 11:04 pm

21 March 2009 - The Vessel Still Without The Warmth

weekends are the only days I can take a rest and get away from CPTC. shift training in a few days time, I have no idea whether I'm able to handle them well.

many ups and downs for me in CPTC, like my mood, my thinking and whatsoever, very complicating. my expressions would tell everyone else - my mood today.

Cold as I may be at times, but surprisingly they are much more friendly than I thought, and interacted with me, even when I'm like a mute. perhaps the only thing to be glad about for CPTC is knowing them better, I don't really feel alone like the first or second week.

but still, I wouldn't say I look forward to it. because afterall, I prefer having freedom.

a light smile as a form of greeting, is a gesture of being formal.
but inside me, theres still no form of fire...yet

Labels: school, thoughts

As Good As DEAD on 11:12 pm

19 March 2009 - Haunt

barrier big enough to erase the existence of one.
eyes that never met.
feelings of suffocation, excruciation, and haunt.
it has turned to something in which I could not show pretense any longer.
it has become a torment somehow.
heaven loves to make fun of me, because it seems as though I'm tied up to things I'm really desperate to get away from.

haven't I had enough of all these? why am I being forced time and again?

Labels: pains

As Good As DEAD on 9:53 pm

19 March 2009 - Busy

CPTC's making me very sian yet busy. I won't be blogging much perhaps.

Note: thanks to those who helped me out with past year papers and questions. though they probably won't get to see it.

so freaking tired.

Labels: random

As Good As DEAD on 12:57 am

18 March 2009 - Results? WTF SERIOUSLY

Frustrating !!

CRE NEVER GET A ! WHAT THE FUCK ?!
SCREWED FMB TOTALLY
GEMS IS THE MOST FUCKED UP THAT PULL MY GPA DOWN FOR NOTHING

I could have done better, but I lost the focus at the wrong time. Bloody Hell.

Labels: rantings

As Good As DEAD on 12:29 am

15 March 2009 - When My Soul Was Still in My Body

a happy post at last, picture post that is. A month ago at Bugis, having steamboat the day before CRE paper. I was courting death, but at the end of the day. I didn't regret.

candids

Kai Yian + Beng Hui + Shi Rui

Tong Fen + Sheila

SR + BH + WanRu

BH + Yu Yang

BH + Zhen Hong

Birthday Celebration. They didn't told me I was included until the cake came.

and a Happy Birthday to SR's eldest sis and Me.

Cutting the cake

once again, a Year older for us. (though not on the exact day)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

after the cutting and everything..

Damn, what are they doing?!

WTF !! HELP ME LEH?!

I got pwned totally LOL

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and so, here comes the more formal ones.

Ladies (3 sisters + Tong Fen + Wan Ru)

and Gentlemen (Kelvin, Chin Chun, Jason, Kai Yian, Beng Hui, Zhen Hong, Yu Yang)

Perfect Match

Me + WR

Me + BH aka the Organiser

random. I dunno why I made that face. lol

Going home. Bounced back.

Last but not least, Happy Faces of Us all.

While posting this blog, I realised my life isn't that Bleak as I thought.
At least I know, no matter what state I'm reduced to, I will have them by my side still.
I won't collapse. no, WE won't collapse, because we are each others' support.

This is - The Other Side of My Life I Always Wanted
I'm Willing to Forsake Everything Else to Lead a Life with Such Happiness.
Its a Priceless Bond where Nothing on Earth can Afford it.
This is how much I treasure them. They are My Life.

The same goes for You. In my mind, nothing has changed since the day I placed my all to You as well. So I'm hoping, things would work out somehow.

Labels: birthdays, hanging out, memories

As Good As DEAD on 10:46 pm

14 March 2009 - Dramatic Life

my life gets a little too dramatic at times. its even more exaggerating than movies.

my life, is like a straw. if you dont get what I mean, then let me simplify it. when you need to drink something with a straw, what the fuck do you do?

once again, the Soul is lost. its not once, but twice.

Labels: ANGER, rantings

As Good As DEAD on 1:34 am

12 March 2009 - Eat Some Humble Pie

people, who dislikes losing, will never admit defeat. therefore, they have every reason to bring others down. no, I'm not talking about myself for this.

comparisons just make people upset, so why do that time and again? I may be slow, but I'm no pushover ffs. I'm Dumb, Everyone else is Smarter, period.

I desire for what I want even more now, and I'll grab hold of it.

Labels: random

As Good As DEAD on 9:47 pm

11 March 2009 - Standing High

of all the days in 'prison', today is kinda the most enjoyable. during the practical that is, line tracing again, but this time round, I climbed the distillation column to the highest. the wind was strong and cooling. it was a little tiring climbing up and down of that tall tower, but I felt proud and satisfied with myself to have climbed it up. WeeChuan and Terence climbed as well.

funny thing is, the column itself is designed to shake, and when we were high up, I could feel my body swaying left and right lightly. and so I shouted at the two of them and asked
"IS IT MY HEAD SPINNING OR IS THE COLUMN SHAKING?"
LOL. wc said that question was classic. its funny though, to be standing at something so high which looks very still, but the body sways left and right.

at the highest peak, I felt very relaxed for a moment. all the tension in me wasn't there. it was calm, and I felt something different for once. probably, its my imagination..a sudden thought of sentence struck me

"Life is not as bleak as you thought to be"

Labels: school

As Good As DEAD on 10:00 pm

10 March 2009 - Head Pain

back on the way home, on the bus to the MRT and till I reach home, my head hurts like whatthefuck on and off. the pain comes and go like a reciprocating pump -.-

Fuck this, its bloody exhausting.

Labels: rantings

As Good As DEAD on 9:11 pm

09 March 2009 - A Thread So Thin

the tiring cycle is back here once again, and time passed freaking slowleh. weather was cool today, it was drizzling, thus doing the practical was not as tiring.

the drizzle didn't stop while I was cycling with my drenched bicycle on the way home and something stuck my mind suddenly. I felt frustrated once again.

back there, I hesitated, and nothing came out. perhaps it could only be that way.

such cool weather, never fails to bring Despair.

Labels: random, school

As Good As DEAD on 9:51 pm

08 March 2009 - "Holidays" With Work

I've a lack of understanding as to what I'm doing and listening to for my so called attachment / training. There's many things I couldn't figure out, be it in lecture notes or the practical itself, I only knew a little bit of theory, but I don't really know how to apply it. I find myself kinda stupid at times, as to why I've chose this course back then, its too competitive for me.

had I known, theres so much to go through, in and out of school life, I would have taken another path, and I'm sure it would have been much better, with a different life. no point thinking though, because I'm practically stuck at where I am without a choice to pave a new way out, unless I wanna waste 2 years and nearly 3k bucks of school fees that my parents paid.

I have no idea on how to do the logbook at all. the more I stared at it with the lecture notes, the more frustrating it gets. its not that I don't wanna listen to practical, but the trainer is a lil soft spoken, so there were few who were behind and couldn't hear him, and now I'm having big trouble handling work again and again.

throughout the two years, I didn't put any effort into anything partly because of the lack of interest, and the hate of studying that has been a habit since young. studying in an environment where there is a lack of satisfaction and contentment brings me nowhere, its much different in secondary school life.

so now I'm whining away about the work I'm having, when I'm supposedly having holidays. theres practical and lectures everyday, a test on Thursday on memory work, and then punctuality, effort blahblahblah, everything is observed which is no different from a prison, because freedom is lost.

that explains the neverending sighs. theres still shitloads of things that will be toppling down soon. I realised, my life has took a turn for the worse, it changes every now and then, but never gets any better.

2 years ago, I should have taken another path which is not as hectic as this one. but well, I learnt something here as well, testing my bloody patience. its not that I wanna be an asshole at times, but I have to be one under certain circumstances.

My life is like INITIAL D's Routeway, with so many turnings, turn and turn and turn and turn, waiting to crash against the wall or fall off the cliff someday

P.S - to alicia and others: No more onions here, I won't update them on this blog. so just go the other link and read

Labels: rantings, school

As Good As DEAD on 1:46 am

07 March 2009 - Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance

Shinedown - Second Chance

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today

Well I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today

Well I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Here is my chance
This is my chance

Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance [x2]

(its not suicide, but walking away)

Labels: random

As Good As DEAD on 2:16 pm

07 March 2009 - Calling for Celebrations?

A level budds of mine done pretty ok for their exams, at least I was told its not bad news. so that calls for a celebration I hope?

ZH - everyone's waiting for you to treat us =)

I need a hangout..but the only time I have is simply only 1 or 2 days a week.

Labels: random

As Good As DEAD on 1:19 pm

05 March 2009 - Life in "Prison"

my life is like living in prison now. the moment I come back home, I only get to stay awake for 2 hours, and after that sleep, wake up early in the morning, go CPTC, and then come back reach home earliest 7+pm and repeat the process.

tomorrow's different though. I can get up a lil bit later. 11pm reach Jurong East, and then CPTC, home should probably be around 9.30pm, and repeat the cycle on weekdays.

it's kinda no life, especially when you don't really find it enjoyable. I can hardly hang out with buds now. its not much different from a prison I would say, because you can't skip lesson easily like Poly.

5 more weeks to end, but time ticks much slower than it usually is, so maybe the 5 weeks would be like...5 months for me.

sickening life I have.

Update - JC brothers and friends, I hope you guys get the results you desired tomorrow ! especially zh jason and hj. all the best tmr !

Labels: rantings

As Good As DEAD on 8:23 pm

03 March 2009 - Internet Radio Down

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this is a nightmare for me. screw it.

Labels: random

As Good As DEAD on 10:30 pm

03 March 2009 - Complications

有些事情是没得选择的，只能慢慢地

能看见问题，并不代表知道真相。感觉上是很矛盾，不知道该向哪一方向走起

问了自己很多次，到底该怎么办

却找不到答案
直到别人说了一点点的真相，才知道犯错了

有机会挽回一切吗

到底会有什么样的结局?

DaSao if you wanna know what it means, you gotta ask the rest. I'm lazy this time round. lol.

Labels: thoughts

As Good As DEAD on 6:40 pm

02 March 2009 - With Exhaustion

first day of CPTC, its hectic. I tried very hard to keep myself awake for the whole day, and I did a little somehow.

its exhausting. so now, its time to sleep.

Labels: school

As Good As DEAD on 9:56 pm

02 March 2009 - With Awkwardness

CPTC in just a few hours time, and getting prepared to sleep soon. I'm not really looking forward to it. I feel lazy somehow, I lose the mood to do anything.

I just want a rest somehow.

sorry mum, but I sighed again.

Labels: random

As Good As DEAD on 12:55 am

01 March 2009 - Screwed Laptop

my school user cannot be used now, it hangs whenever it starts up. damn it, lousy piece of shit. I wasted hours transferring and resetting everything to about the same to my admin account.

waste of time. ZZZ.

P.S - for those who suggested me putting up another blog for those onions, its up now. no new post for now, they are all old posts digged up from this blog.

Labels: rantings

As Good As DEAD on 12:21 am

The Cursed

Kelvin Yeo (Mista Badass)
Up till 19.
Pisces. 24 Feb is when you get to call me old man
I'm your typical short guy living next door
Adaptive to everywhere I am in
My eyes can talk
But do you understand its language?
The Mirror-Effect Guy
(Attitude-Reflections Treatments)

Come Find Out Yourself
And The Music Goes

Music Playlist at MixPod.com