27 December 2009 - Time is Never Enough to Cover Up
time to be in hell now, because its the last week of holiday for me to clear up a pile of work, especially FYP that I'm having a great headache.
time meant for celebration always seem so short, as though it is never enough for me and that I hunger for more. when the holiday ends, its time to slog the guts out again...but perhaps I'm not working as hard as a few others who are really getting stressed up, but who isn't going anxious over their FYP?
during this period, I've tried wanting to put words across but it always turn out to be a failure. "where is the guts? do I really want to do it? is it even a right thing to do it?" perhaps I shouldn't be asking myself these anymore, because whatever Kelvin does, even if its right, the World would say its a mistake.
just when and where, would this life of mine end?
Life is a vicious cycle, but despite that, I try not to detest where I live because of them.
time meant for celebration always seem so short, as though it is never enough for me and that I hunger for more. when the holiday ends, its time to slog the guts out again...but perhaps I'm not working as hard as a few others who are really getting stressed up, but who isn't going anxious over their FYP?
during this period, I've tried wanting to put words across but it always turn out to be a failure. "where is the guts? do I really want to do it? is it even a right thing to do it?" perhaps I shouldn't be asking myself these anymore, because whatever Kelvin does, even if its right, the World would say its a mistake.
just when and where, would this life of mine end?
Life is a vicious cycle, but despite that, I try not to detest where I live because of them.
Labels: hanging out, random, rantings
As Good As DEAD on 9:30 pm
02 November 2009 - Spiritless, Listless, The D-Crap Man
I hate sleeping early, because I can't sleep through the night and ended up waking up at 11+ or 12+ night, and probably spend the night alone doing nothing. I hate that feeling seriously.
I just wanna kick the sandbag till both my shins get numbed, throwing jabs and crosses at the pads till my arms start to disobey me throughout the day.
basically, I just wanna knock myself out so that my mind can just switch off.
just how am I going to spend this night, unable to force myself to bed, and then still having to keep myself awake for a total of 14 to 16 hours starting from 8am? (and I've excluded the expected wakeup time + travelling duration) I don't wanna sleep in school, but I can hardly focus like seriously.
My life is like the second line of the tag there.
I just wanna kick the sandbag till both my shins get numbed, throwing jabs and crosses at the pads till my arms start to disobey me throughout the day.
basically, I just wanna knock myself out so that my mind can just switch off.
just how am I going to spend this night, unable to force myself to bed, and then still having to keep myself awake for a total of 14 to 16 hours starting from 8am? (and I've excluded the expected wakeup time + travelling duration) I don't wanna sleep in school, but I can hardly focus like seriously.
My life is like the second line of the tag there.
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 12:41 am
11 October 2009 - Drastic Change
sometimes, shit happens. in a light mood feeling relaxed and easy, there are certain things which can suddenly cause a drastic change.
I asked myself, why is it so unfair sometimes?
there are few delightful things which I can't throw, and loads of heavy boulders that I can't get rid of. can I have a brainwash? yeah, FML with that thought, unless I get into some accident and get amnesia then yeah, an indirect brainwash. in exchange of not being able to remember that few things to be happy about, I can actually not dwell on much more things.
as I read one of my friend's blog, describing life to be like a game of chess, I thought for awhile, and yes I agreed. because in life, we gain some, we lose some. in order to win in a game of chess, sacrifices can't be avoided, and thus have to be made.
out of the many pawns in the chess, in order for a few to advance, the rest needs to be eliminated in order to achieve the objective. so in other words, it has become a matter of who is to be the one advancing, and who are the ones to be sacrificed.
as each day comes closer, I get more frustrated, even though it's just a mere 4 months+ because I'm much busier than I usually am now, and that I have to plan my time perfectly, just like planning a strategy for chess.
my thoughts need to be clear, or rather I must not be careless somehow.
I know I won't have an answer to my question, but I'm a forever a fool who carries faith and hope.
I asked myself, why is it so unfair sometimes?
there are few delightful things which I can't throw, and loads of heavy boulders that I can't get rid of. can I have a brainwash? yeah, FML with that thought, unless I get into some accident and get amnesia then yeah, an indirect brainwash. in exchange of not being able to remember that few things to be happy about, I can actually not dwell on much more things.
as I read one of my friend's blog, describing life to be like a game of chess, I thought for awhile, and yes I agreed. because in life, we gain some, we lose some. in order to win in a game of chess, sacrifices can't be avoided, and thus have to be made.
out of the many pawns in the chess, in order for a few to advance, the rest needs to be eliminated in order to achieve the objective. so in other words, it has become a matter of who is to be the one advancing, and who are the ones to be sacrificed.
as each day comes closer, I get more frustrated, even though it's just a mere 4 months+ because I'm much busier than I usually am now, and that I have to plan my time perfectly, just like planning a strategy for chess.
my thoughts need to be clear, or rather I must not be careless somehow.
I know I won't have an answer to my question, but I'm a forever a fool who carries faith and hope.
As Good As DEAD on 4:59 am
12 August 2008 - Adults Nowadays
are seriously _|_
for Fuck sake, show some respect to others, or at least yourselves.
yesterday in the MRT, the MRT staff argued with an old man? Instead of talking calmly, they both quarreled over god knows what. it happened when I've already entered the MRT so..whatever. the old man did not alight at JE, so I didn't know what happened next.
and today is epic even.
instead of being so childish and selfish doing stupid things, grow some balls and be what your age speaks? or you need people who are younger than you how to properly be a human? I choose to keep it shut because I can't be fucking bothered, and then that asshole tried to piss me off further?
Like I'm fucking scared the likes of you.
Believe in Karma dude. no I mean mother fucker, you will get your deserts one fine day.
time to startup my stuffs, get some rest.
for Fuck sake, show some respect to others, or at least yourselves.
yesterday in the MRT, the MRT staff argued with an old man? Instead of talking calmly, they both quarreled over god knows what. it happened when I've already entered the MRT so..whatever. the old man did not alight at JE, so I didn't know what happened next.
and today is epic even.
instead of being so childish and selfish doing stupid things, grow some balls and be what your age speaks? or you need people who are younger than you how to properly be a human? I choose to keep it shut because I can't be fucking bothered, and then that asshole tried to piss me off further?
Like I'm fucking scared the likes of you.
Believe in Karma dude. no I mean mother fucker, you will get your deserts one fine day.
time to startup my stuffs, get some rest.
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 8:15 pm
30 July 2009 - Juvenile
Try to think the world owes you.
Try to think like its never your fault in every single thing.
Try to mumble like only you got irritated.
Try to grow up. I don't Fucking owe you any shit.
Try to think like its never your fault in every single thing.
Try to mumble like only you got irritated.
Try to grow up. I don't Fucking owe you any shit.
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 6:01 pm
23 July 2009 - The Way Things Work
is simply fucked up. it gets more and more suffocating. there are times where I really can't take it lying down.
I can never get an answer no matter how many whys I've asked myself.
Heartless..
I can never get an answer no matter how many whys I've asked myself.
Heartless..
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 6:11 pm
07 July 2009 - Making Me Feel Better
just when I thought, how stressful I got, over school stuffs, frustrated and pissed with the fact that I did way below standard for MST.
one who had been through what I'm going through now told me now that she is going through something even tougher and hectic. its simply wake up and go to office and work, and then go home and continue working for her. its non stop.
I don't know if I should sympathize with her or thank her for telling me I'm not in dire straits. but still, nothing can change the fact that I feel extremely vexed. adding on to my own personal matters, it can weigh me down easily.
End of Week 14, faster come, then I will only have to entertain past year papers.
but afterall, I decided to say. Thanks alot alicia =)
one who had been through what I'm going through now told me now that she is going through something even tougher and hectic. its simply wake up and go to office and work, and then go home and continue working for her. its non stop.
I don't know if I should sympathize with her or thank her for telling me I'm not in dire straits. but still, nothing can change the fact that I feel extremely vexed. adding on to my own personal matters, it can weigh me down easily.
End of Week 14, faster come, then I will only have to entertain past year papers.
but afterall, I decided to say. Thanks alot alicia =)
As Good As DEAD on 11:45 pm
07 July 2009 - Test Papers _|_
I screwed my maths paper, badly. I've got only 73 while the rest got 80s and 90s. dammit. and theres so much so much shit to do still. bahhhhhhh.
Update Tuesday: I practically did badly for every single thing. I feel so useless for making careless mistakes and killed myself. now I'm worse than an average student.
Chapter18ismydeterminationandendurance
Update Tuesday: I practically did badly for every single thing. I feel so useless for making careless mistakes and killed myself. now I'm worse than an average student.
Chapter18ismydeterminationandendurance
As Good As DEAD on 1:24 am
20 April 2009 - Sense of Irritation
First day of school turned out a little messy for me. I woke up late, because I slept at 7 in the morning, Melvin and I were talking about how boring its gonna get when we go back to school..Monday blues indeed.
I was late for half an hour, and it was language module and shockingly the lecturer is none other than...zzZ, for a moment I thought I stepped into the wrong classroom, but then again I wasn't mistaken, and I threw an "argh" face as I was finding a place to settle down
talking bout self image and everything, it was something boring. "are you able to look at yourself in the mirror?" or something like that. my thinking back then was kinda nasty "you mean you can't see yourself in the mirror..or whatever it is."
some minds can be read easily, and thats why I'm termed observant and analytical. some people are easy to read, not because they expose their personality, they are just not complicated. while there are some who are complicated to the extent, what they portray is different from what they really think and are.
maths lesson, though it was supposedly to be easy, I felt stupid for not able to grasp the concepts well, it seems that I really learn bloody slow. and when the long hours of boredom was finally over, I rushed to meet my buddies, hanging around as usual.
perhaps, it was taken away bit by bit, and eventually, all thats left would be emptiness. I'm tired of this game, things that affect me without me knowing the reason.
I was late for half an hour, and it was language module and shockingly the lecturer is none other than...zzZ, for a moment I thought I stepped into the wrong classroom, but then again I wasn't mistaken, and I threw an "argh" face as I was finding a place to settle down
talking bout self image and everything, it was something boring. "are you able to look at yourself in the mirror?" or something like that. my thinking back then was kinda nasty "you mean you can't see yourself in the mirror..or whatever it is."
some minds can be read easily, and thats why I'm termed observant and analytical. some people are easy to read, not because they expose their personality, they are just not complicated. while there are some who are complicated to the extent, what they portray is different from what they really think and are.
maths lesson, though it was supposedly to be easy, I felt stupid for not able to grasp the concepts well, it seems that I really learn bloody slow. and when the long hours of boredom was finally over, I rushed to meet my buddies, hanging around as usual.
perhaps, it was taken away bit by bit, and eventually, all thats left would be emptiness. I'm tired of this game, things that affect me without me knowing the reason.
As Good As DEAD on 10:18 pm
11 April 2009 - Hypocrites, Sarcasms
There are some things, that really make me laugh, especially when people think they are damn great, like they own the world or something.
two types of people I know all along
1) the funky people, who can take jokes and make funny faces with each other
2) hypocrites, with words full of sarcasm, and they think they are great
I ain't got the time to entertain pussies, thats why I can't be bothered at all. they don't deserve any pity. neither do I need anything from the likes of such people. I don't know why they think they are so great as though the world revolves around them, seriously like "SOOOOOOOOOO WHAT?!". they shorten lifespans totally.
If this fact cannot be accepted, then just Fuck off. dun be a pussy and go around throwing tantrums on others. if people have to be lenient just because one is pissed with small little fucking matters, then I can simply tell you all - Go sleep and don't ever wake up, because you can make your own rules in your own dreamland.
phew, enough of rantings.
and oh, before I forget, I believe my father's words. people without respect for their parents really are people who can't last long in our lives
two types of people I know all along
1) the funky people, who can take jokes and make funny faces with each other
2) hypocrites, with words full of sarcasm, and they think they are great
I ain't got the time to entertain pussies, thats why I can't be bothered at all. they don't deserve any pity. neither do I need anything from the likes of such people. I don't know why they think they are so great as though the world revolves around them, seriously like "SOOOOOOOOOO WHAT?!". they shorten lifespans totally.
If this fact cannot be accepted, then just Fuck off. dun be a pussy and go around throwing tantrums on others. if people have to be lenient just because one is pissed with small little fucking matters, then I can simply tell you all - Go sleep and don't ever wake up, because you can make your own rules in your own dreamland.
phew, enough of rantings.
and oh, before I forget, I believe my father's words. people without respect for their parents really are people who can't last long in our lives
As Good As DEAD on 1:32 am
08 April 2009 - Screwed Television
WHAT THE FUCK !! JUST WHEN I WAS WATCHING TV, IT FUCKING WENT BLUE SCREEN ! AFFECTED THE WHOLE HDB BLOCK AT MY SIDE
OF ALL TIMES, IT HAPPENS WHEN I'M WATCHING ! MOTHER FUCKER.
There goes my sleep for the upcoming semester =(
But I'm relieved that FYP is probably 8 credits and not 20+ credits like what some people actually told me which scared the fuck out of me when I first heard it.
Thank God Friday is only alternate weeks then need come school..but..I SAW MR CHEAH'S NAME !@#$%!@#
Another sem of getting suanned.
SOMETHING ON A BRIGHTER NOTE !
JUNE FASTER COME ! TRANSFORMERS FOR THE WIN
OF ALL TIMES, IT HAPPENS WHEN I'M WATCHING ! MOTHER FUCKER.
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 9:26 pm
04 April 2009 - School on a Saturday?! AND TRANSFORMERS !!
There goes my sleep for the upcoming semester =(
But I'm relieved that FYP is probably 8 credits and not 20+ credits like what some people actually told me which scared the fuck out of me when I first heard it.
Thank God Friday is only alternate weeks then need come school..but..I SAW MR CHEAH'S NAME !@#$%!@#
Another sem of getting suanned.
SOMETHING ON A BRIGHTER NOTE !
JUNE FASTER COME ! TRANSFORMERS FOR THE WIN
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 4:24 pm
02 April 2009 - So Close So Far
back from CPTC, slacked and feeling bored, decided to blog-hopwhich I've never done for 765956734 days (I just meant, for a very long long time), reading stuffs that range from boring to hilarious.
CPTC is back to its boring days, cos of the practicals. but the people there are fun still. that would probably be the only thing to look forward to.
but then again, there are some things that irritates me on and off. I envy optimistic people, because its the only time I would be happy, only for a moment.
"The World Doesn't Go Your Way Dude"
I've come to a liking with this sentence, as I observe how people find faults with others, forever defending themselves, pushing the blames, but whats the point?
And overall at the rate things are going, its tearing me apart.
CPTC is back to its boring days, cos of the practicals. but the people there are fun still. that would probably be the only thing to look forward to.
but then again, there are some things that irritates me on and off. I envy optimistic people, because its the only time I would be happy, only for a moment.
"The World Doesn't Go Your Way Dude"
I've come to a liking with this sentence, as I observe how people find faults with others, forever defending themselves, pushing the blames, but whats the point?
And overall at the rate things are going, its tearing me apart.
As Good As DEAD on 1:47 am
30 March 2009 - Relationships Not Worth A Keep
when I saw the same thing over and over again, I get a little sick and tired. my buddy always has to argue with his noob girlfriend over small little things. no, its definitely not his fault, but the fault of a picky, childish slut.
The world doesn't revolve around you for fuck sake, so please spare a thought for the rest you fucking slut. and worse still, I can't believe you're a Christian, and a 17 year old who should be mature enough to understand and spare a thought for others. you practically ruined his Birthday for being so bloody stubborn. Grow up you bitchy slut.
I don't think Yaoliang will see this but, we all have to agree one thing.
such fucked up relationships are not worth keeping. but still, the ultimate decision is not with us, but with our buddy himself. I've never seen him so pissed before until that day.
Selfish people..totally unreasonable
The world doesn't revolve around you for fuck sake, so please spare a thought for the rest you fucking slut. and worse still, I can't believe you're a Christian, and a 17 year old who should be mature enough to understand and spare a thought for others. you practically ruined his Birthday for being so bloody stubborn. Grow up you bitchy slut.
I don't think Yaoliang will see this but, we all have to agree one thing.
such fucked up relationships are not worth keeping. but still, the ultimate decision is not with us, but with our buddy himself. I've never seen him so pissed before until that day.
Selfish people..totally unreasonable
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 12:25 pm
23 March 2009 - No Mood For Papers
I'm sick of looking at papers seriously..the fact that I hate theory is just like how I hate durians. speaking of durians, some idiots actually put dunno what into the fridge, and theres the durian smell which stinks like whatthefuck
Flunk the paper tomorrow. no, I'm not joking. I'm serious.
I want Saturday to come fast. I'm dying to meet buddies.
Flunk the paper tomorrow. no, I'm not joking. I'm serious.
I want Saturday to come fast. I'm dying to meet buddies.
As Good As DEAD on 11:04 pm
18 March 2009 - Results? WTF SERIOUSLY
Frustrating !!
CRE NEVER GET A ! WHAT THE FUCK ?!
SCREWED FMB TOTALLY
GEMS IS THE MOST FUCKED UP THAT PULL MY GPA DOWN FOR NOTHING
I could have done better, but I lost the focus at the wrong time. Bloody Hell.
CRE NEVER GET A ! WHAT THE FUCK ?!
SCREWED FMB TOTALLY
GEMS IS THE MOST FUCKED UP THAT PULL MY GPA DOWN FOR NOTHING
I could have done better, but I lost the focus at the wrong time. Bloody Hell.
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 12:29 am
14 March 2009 - Dramatic Life
my life gets a little too dramatic at times. its even more exaggerating than movies.
my life, is like a straw. if you dont get what I mean, then let me simplify it. when you need to drink something with a straw, what the fuck do you do?
once again, the Soul is lost. its not once, but twice.
my life, is like a straw. if you dont get what I mean, then let me simplify it. when you need to drink something with a straw, what the fuck do you do?
once again, the Soul is lost. its not once, but twice.
As Good As DEAD on 1:34 am
10 March 2009 - Head Pain
back on the way home, on the bus to the MRT and till I reach home, my head hurts like whatthefuck on and off. the pain comes and go like a reciprocating pump -.-
Fuck this, its bloody exhausting.
Fuck this, its bloody exhausting.
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 9:11 pm
08 March 2009 - "Holidays" With Work
I've a lack of understanding as to what I'm doing and listening to for my so called attachment / training. There's many things I couldn't figure out, be it in lecture notes or the practical itself, I only knew a little bit of theory, but I don't really know how to apply it. I find myself kinda stupid at times, as to why I've chose this course back then, its too competitive for me.
had I known, theres so much to go through, in and out of school life, I would have taken another path, and I'm sure it would have been much better, with a different life. no point thinking though, because I'm practically stuck at where I am without a choice to pave a new way out, unless I wanna waste 2 years and nearly 3k bucks of school fees that my parents paid.
I have no idea on how to do the logbook at all. the more I stared at it with the lecture notes, the more frustrating it gets. its not that I don't wanna listen to practical, but the trainer is a lil soft spoken, so there were few who were behind and couldn't hear him, and now I'm having big trouble handling work again and again.
throughout the two years, I didn't put any effort into anything partly because of the lack of interest, and the hate of studying that has been a habit since young. studying in an environment where there is a lack of satisfaction and contentment brings me nowhere, its much different in secondary school life.
so now I'm whining away about the work I'm having, when I'm supposedly having holidays. theres practical and lectures everyday, a test on Thursday on memory work, and then punctuality, effort blahblahblah, everything is observed which is no different from a prison, because freedom is lost.
that explains the neverending sighs. theres still shitloads of things that will be toppling down soon. I realised, my life has took a turn for the worse, it changes every now and then, but never gets any better.
2 years ago, I should have taken another path which is not as hectic as this one. but well, I learnt something here as well, testing my bloody patience. its not that I wanna be an asshole at times, but I have to be one under certain circumstances.
My life is like INITIAL D's Routeway, with so many turnings, turn and turn and turn and turn, waiting to crash against the wall or fall off the cliff someday
P.S - to alicia and others: No more onions here, I won't update them on this blog. so just go the other link and read
Kelvin Yeo (Mista Badass)
Up till 19.
Pisces. 24 Feb is when you get to call me old man
I'm your typical short guy living next door
Adaptive to everywhere I am in
My eyes can talk
But do you understand its language?
The Mirror-Effect Guy
(Attitude-Reflections Treatments)
Come Find Out Yourself
And The Music Goes
Link blog if you wish to
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had I known, theres so much to go through, in and out of school life, I would have taken another path, and I'm sure it would have been much better, with a different life. no point thinking though, because I'm practically stuck at where I am without a choice to pave a new way out, unless I wanna waste 2 years and nearly 3k bucks of school fees that my parents paid.
I have no idea on how to do the logbook at all. the more I stared at it with the lecture notes, the more frustrating it gets. its not that I don't wanna listen to practical, but the trainer is a lil soft spoken, so there were few who were behind and couldn't hear him, and now I'm having big trouble handling work again and again.
throughout the two years, I didn't put any effort into anything partly because of the lack of interest, and the hate of studying that has been a habit since young. studying in an environment where there is a lack of satisfaction and contentment brings me nowhere, its much different in secondary school life.
so now I'm whining away about the work I'm having, when I'm supposedly having holidays. theres practical and lectures everyday, a test on Thursday on memory work, and then punctuality, effort blahblahblah, everything is observed which is no different from a prison, because freedom is lost.
that explains the neverending sighs. theres still shitloads of things that will be toppling down soon. I realised, my life has took a turn for the worse, it changes every now and then, but never gets any better.
2 years ago, I should have taken another path which is not as hectic as this one. but well, I learnt something here as well, testing my bloody patience. its not that I wanna be an asshole at times, but I have to be one under certain circumstances.
My life is like INITIAL D's Routeway, with so many turnings, turn and turn and turn and turn, waiting to crash against the wall or fall off the cliff someday
P.S - to alicia and others: No more onions here, I won't update them on this blog. so just go the other link and read
As Good As DEAD on 1:46 am
05 March 2009 - Life in "Prison"
my life is like living in prison now. the moment I come back home, I only get to stay awake for 2 hours, and after that sleep, wake up early in the morning, go CPTC, and then come back reach home earliest 7+pm and repeat the process.
tomorrow's different though. I can get up a lil bit later. 11pm reach Jurong East, and then CPTC, home should probably be around 9.30pm, and repeat the cycle on weekdays.
it's kinda no life, especially when you don't really find it enjoyable. I can hardly hang out with buds now. its not much different from a prison I would say, because you can't skip lesson easily like Poly.
5 more weeks to end, but time ticks much slower than it usually is, so maybe the 5 weeks would be like...5 months for me.
sickening life I have.
Update - JC brothers and friends, I hope you guys get the results you desired tomorrow ! especially zh jason and hj. all the best tmr !
tomorrow's different though. I can get up a lil bit later. 11pm reach Jurong East, and then CPTC, home should probably be around 9.30pm, and repeat the cycle on weekdays.
it's kinda no life, especially when you don't really find it enjoyable. I can hardly hang out with buds now. its not much different from a prison I would say, because you can't skip lesson easily like Poly.
5 more weeks to end, but time ticks much slower than it usually is, so maybe the 5 weeks would be like...5 months for me.
sickening life I have.
Update - JC brothers and friends, I hope you guys get the results you desired tomorrow ! especially zh jason and hj. all the best tmr !
Labels: rantings
As Good As DEAD on 8:23 pm
The Cursed
Kelvin Yeo (Mista Badass)
Up till 19.
Pisces. 24 Feb is when you get to call me old man
I'm your typical short guy living next door
Adaptive to everywhere I am in
My eyes can talk
But do you understand its language?
The Mirror-Effect Guy
(Attitude-Reflections Treatments)
Come Find Out Yourself
And The Music Goes
Current Mood
Link blog if you wish to
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